hmmm.. i didn't know i had two followers.

helloooo. :D

Literary Device #142: Repetition of "I"

      I’ve noticed one thing about myself lately. No.. not even “lately”, just in general. It’s that I like to rely on people. Whether it be for simple things like waking me up, to the more important things like finding reasons to live. Now I’m not suicidal, in fact I had to use spell check to spell that word, but I am tired. Tired of waking up everyday and going through the motions and not knowing why. Tired of finding myself at the end of the day, without reason without motivation. I use to look to my heart for the “why” in life. Why I should continue on and keep going. but as of late I’ve think I’ve lost touch with my heart. It’s feeling a little colder than I last remember. so I need to start looking into myself for the “why” I need to keep going not for the love I keep chasing, but I need to start doing it for me, otherwise I wont be able to keep going, I wont survive.
       I haven’t earned the right to complain. I look around and I see others that are moving forward, moving forward in the world that seems to want to keep them back. And if they can move forward with everything keeping them down. Why am I standing? Standing still, unmoving. Unmoving but still feeling. I haven’t earned the right to complain. It’s a bad feeling when you look around and you notice you’re in a hole that you can’t get out of. It’s even worse when you look down, and you see a shovel in your hand. I haven’t earned the right to complain, and I haven’t earned the right to ask for help. But here I am.. complaining.. and asking for help.

libera me.

similar to too many posts it seems.. this is merely a reminder post..

rachael hulme..
permit/driving..
olymipcs..
california/reception..
scarlet letter..
"student schedule"..
worms armageddon..
"connection club"..

and a few others.

p.s. 2:39:08 AM when posting.

do the impossible, see the invisible. RAW RAW FIGHT THE POWER!

quite possibly the first time i am going to post while talking to someone. im still listening to a single song on repeat. this time it just happens to be "libera me from hell" with thanks to billy for the reminder. so today i really wanted to get a post in. for many reasons actually. one of them being.. blogging in general popping up a lot. that one i wont explain. but let's just say it's just a little less of actual blogging.. and more of just getting thoughts down that im referencing to. another reason that i wanted to blog.. is that it just felt a little more safe. in such a regard that less people (for those that were reading it..) are now.. not reading. i know that i could just make it private. but that would be beside one of the points i made this blog for. if that were the case i could just sit down and type into anywhere and just not let people know of its existence. but i do want to let people know of my thoughts. so matter how jumbled they are. its all for the willing.

(long pause)

maybe i shouldnt talk to people as i blog. ahaha. oh wells. ill continue after i sign off of AIM.

(long pause)

alright. im am sooooo sorry. to whom may ever read this. and to me. but its 5 39AM and a bit late.. sooo ill continue this later.

kiss and make up.

hopefully the longer posts i had up before will compensate for my lack of actual posts the last two days. it is still sunday to me right now.. and this is what went down.

saturday
went to alex's house then to see the dark knight.
-stayed in the pool for a good amount of time.
-got worms armageddon for alex's bedroom computer.
-hit my first ball with an actual pitch to me with a baseball bat.
-had lots of fun with kyle, kim, eilene, alex, nick, and tyler.
-the movie was FREAKING AWESOME. batman begins was really good. but the dark knight was just soo.. different..
-played worms online with eilene and jeff.
-talked for a long time about random stuff with eilene. (not good idea. didn't sleep till late)

sunday
woke up late and tired.
-figured out how to change the QoS to double my internet speed. (woooo!)
-almost finished drug and alcohol test.
-wasn't able to start the scarlet letter yet.
-wished billy a happy early birthday,
-wished billy a happy birthday. (12:00:13 AM)
-made billy a cake using mspaint (online version, since im on xubuntu)

happy birthday billy! i really want to say that you don't know how much you really deserve. but i wont in hopes that you do. a great person, a great friend. and quite possibly the greatest lifelines you can talk to.

erm.. sorry?

merely posting tonight for the purpose of saying that i can not post any more than this. it is 12:45 am and i have a big day ahead of me tomorrow. going to see THE DARK KNIGHT! with... kim kyle alex nick tyler eilene her friends and the rest of the people who are going to the 7 10pm showing at rave theater the 26th of july of the year 2008!

i know that last sentence had horrible formatting. but oh wells. peace out!